I've been blogging for nearly nine years and by sheer persistence the audience has grown and traffic is relatively respectable. There are plenty of web based tools available that can determine how well a site is performing and as a result I have recently started receiving a great deal more unsolicited material. This consists of press releases, invitations to review content and even the occasional freebie. I'm fine with all this because it broadly indicates that Contains Moderate Peril is growing and appearing on the radar of a wider variety of organisations. Plus some of the stuff I’m sent is quite useful. At the very least it proves the old adage that if you throw enough shit at the wall, some of it will stick.

However among these various communications are small percentage from businesses that always seem to have a "great business opportunity" or "proposal that I can't afford to miss". Effectively they're trying to sell me something that I don't need or worse still, they want to buy a link back to their site. It is the latter galls me the most.

Now I am not averse to the notion of my blogging endeavours making money if possible, but funnily enough I do have some principles regarding how this is done. Firstly, I don't carry any advertising on the website because the delivery software totally dictates what material gets shown. I don't like that notion at all. Then there are are some businesses that I don't want to be associated with and featuring them on my site in my opinions cheapens it. Plus the use of adblockers seems to be making this means of generating revenue obsolete anyway. I also apply exactly the same stipulations to anyone trying to buy a link from my site to their. Do I want to be associated with you?

Secondly, although link sharing has its uses, it is fundamentally based on a parasitical concept. Think about it for a moment. After years of giving up my free time to write and build up an audience, some third party thinks they can just waltz in, toss me a few dollars and leech off my blood sweat and tears? I think not. Plus while we’re talking about hard work, something I’ve noticed about many of the business requests I receive is the casual and lacklustre way in which they are made. They often lack any real effort. Business etiquette, common sense and good manners seem to elude them.

Take for example the above email. Who in their right mind thinks this is a good way to conduct business? Let's address some of its points of failure in bullet point format, because it will curb my tendency to rant excessively about the overall stupidity of this communication.

1.) For starters what kind of business do you wish to conduct? If you are making a pitch then it may be beneficial to include the relevant details.

2.) So my site fits your needs? Really? As you haven't at this point given me any inkling of what it is that you want, please remind me again why I should give a fuck about what fits your needs?

3.) As for the best way to contact me, let's ponder that one for a moment? Hey why not drop me an email like the one you just fucking sent?

So it would appear that this joker wants to do some sort of business with me, but is reticent to stipulate the exact nature of which and furthermore wants me to waste my precious time contacting them to proceed further. The stupidity of the proposition beggars belief. They must be stupid, ill-mannered or utterly clueless about how to conduct business; or maybe all three? Perhaps a Venn diagram will help clarify the situation.

Here is some guidance to those wanting to do business with Contains Moderate Peril. If you have any sort of business proposal then a concise email providing an overview of what you are offering is required. I will then on the basis of that communication decide whether I wish to contact you to discuss the matter further. Do not make any type of pitch where I have to do all the leg work. If you want something from me then make some effort yourself. My time is precious and I have better things to do than accommodating your ineptitude.

Also take time out to consider what you are selling. I'm not interested in gambling sites, miracle cures, dating websites, stilts for Dachshunds or an Osmonds tribute act. Make sure it is relevant to Contains Moderate Peril. And if you haven’t even the decency to use my name in your email then don’t bother. I like manners. By following these simple rules there's a chance for a mutually beneficial relationship. Ignore them and you'll be pissing in the wind.

How Not to Do Business