"I Feel I Need a Holiday"
According to Spock “change is the essential process of all existence”. I have certainly faced my share this year. The death of my mother in August after decades of declining health didn’t come as a shock, but was no less upsetting. In the immediate aftermath, I had to deal with the practicalities of arranging a funeral, engaging a solicitor to settle my mother’s estate and then determine whether I should return to full time employment or retire. After much deliberation, I chose the latter. Now that the most pressing needs have been addressed, I find myself coming to terms with my own grief, while considering my future. I am very tired, both physically and mentally. I am still waiting for the cardiologist that I saw recently to make their pronouncement on my health. However, I do feel somewhat refreshed after my recent 3 day break on the Isle of Wight. I am also thinking about moving, as well as returning to education and pursuing a qualification. I will be 55 in December and feel that I am at a major crossroads in my life.
However, I am not especially enthusiastic about writing at present. At least not about the normal things I blog about. I still take pleasure in video games and films, but I now view them from a different perspective and their importance has changed. Furthermore, after 15 years of blogging and a dozen spent podcasting, I feel somewhat spent creatively. It takes quite a lot of focus, energy and brio to consistently produce content on any platform and then there’s the actual work that has to be done. At present I don’t have the stamina required nor the time. The latter is a finite commodity in everyone’s life and I am currently using my allowance to do other things. And so to quote Bilbo Baggins, “I feel I need a holiday” and am taking one. This is the first post I’ve written for a fortnight and it is mainly due to the fact that I feel obliged to let the few hundred daily readers that I haven’t totally abandoned Contains Moderate Peril.
Abandon Blog?
I’ve learned from past mistakes and changes in my relationship with writing, so I am not going to close the website or do anything rash. I did that once before in 2015 when I was suffering from burnout and I ended up bitterly regretting the decision when I had a change of heart. Having to start from scratch again, a few months later, was hard work. So in the meantime, I will continue to pay the operating costs and effectively just leave Contains Moderate Peril to lie fallow, so to speak. I may well publish the occasional post, when the fancy takes me but I certainly won’t be maintaining any sort of regular schedule. As and when I do write something, they may well be very niche market posts, mainly about the things that are bugging me at present. Beyond that, all bets are off. It very much is a question of wait and see. Perhaps this is just a hiatus. Perhaps it’s time to call it a day.
