"Have You Ever?"
Get you. Filling in a questionnaire with a fountain pen…
As some of you may know, I have a weakness for internet questionnaires. Yes, they can be looked upon as self indulgent filler that you post on a day when you’re strapped for inspiration, if you want to be snippy about them. But I find them quite insightful as I like to know about the people whose blogs I read. Sometimes it’s just as much about the person as it is about the blog post. “You are your own brand” and all that. But I digress. I saw this particular questionnaire over at Ace Asunder. Solarayo borrowed it from Quietschisto of RNG, who in turn purloined it from Chrisse of Vamp It Up Manchester who created the questions. There’s a broad spectrum of enquiries and scope for some informative and entertaining answers. So let us begin.
Driven or been driven at 100 mph/160 kmh?
I don’t drive, so I haven’t driven at such a speed. However, I have been driven by others and the experience greatly depended on who was driving. Mrs P is a good and considerate driver. My son on the other hand...
Learned a possibly deadly skill?
Yes. Flower arranging with Triffids.
Ridden in a helicopter?
Yes at Farnborough Airshow. I was surprised at the rapid acceleration and climb of the helicopter, which I was expecting to be slower. Although it was only a relatively short trip, it afforded a great view of the air field and certainly put in perspective why these vehicles are so important to the military. Damn noisy inside, though.
Gone zip lining?
Not been on a zip line but I’ve done abseiling/rappelling in my youth. Not too keen on heights so this was a real challenge. However, it was supervised by an ex-soldier who was calm and professional. If it was any other instructor, I probably wouldn’t have done it.
Been to an NFL game or Ice Hockey?
I’ve seen The Chatham Cyclones play Ice Hockey several times. It’s not exactly a difficult game to follow with excessively complex and esoteric rules (I’m looking at you Cricket). I especially enjoyed the Zamboni.
Watched Dr Who?
I am a child of the seventies. Doctor Who was an integral part of my youth. I watched from the Jon Pertwee years right the way up to Sylvester McCoy. I watched the rebooted show for a while and I recognise that it is a good modern presentation of the concept. But Tom Baker is my favourite incarnation of the Doctor.
Been to Canada?
Not yet.
Visited Disney?
We considered taking our son to Disneyland Paris in the late nineties but he quickly moved on from his “Disney phase” to being obsessed with Power Rangers and Pokemon, so we missed the proverbial boat and saved a fortune.
Visited an actual castle?
I live in the UK. You can’t walk for more than 10 minutes without tripping over a castle or some other historical building. So, yes, I’ve visited dozens and I still really enjoy doing so. Visited the Tower of London back in early 2018 and Rochester Castle last summer.
Visited Vegas?
No and I’m not likely to do so. And yes, this is down to cultural snobbery.
Eaten alone at a restaurant?
In 2006 I went self employed and subsequently spent a decade working short term contracts and later running my own IT consultancy. During this period I would often dine alone and it wasn’t unusual to see others in a similar line of work do the same. Initially it was an odd experience and I felt a little self conscious but that quickly passed and I found it to be an agreeable experience. You don’t have to compromise on your choice of restaurant to please others, nor do you have to share your meal. Dining in silence after a long day can be quite relaxing. I would often read a paper or a book while waiting to be served. Plus I often passed on the cost to my clients or claimed a meal allowance.
Played an instrument?
I dimly recollect learning to play the recorder at primary school. With hindsight, I have come to realise that it is an inherently evil instrument designed to torment parents and music lovers alike. Beyond that I have little or no musical skill.
Ridden a motorcycle?
No. As I mentioned earlier, I do not drive. And if I did, I wouldn’t touch a motorcycle. I see them simply as a fast path to organ donation.
Ridden a horse?
I went pony trekking several times as a child. My sister-in-law also used to keep horses. Horse riding is uncomfortable and generates a lot of work afterwards as the beasties are high maintenance. Plus horses are not to be trifled with. I was in a horse’s way once, so it put its head against my back and just pushed me aside. I think it threw me several metres. The bastards also bite. So horses can sod off. Plus Haribo is mainly made from them.
Donated blood?
When I worked for the government, the NHS Blood Service used to come to our office and harvest our blood, or if you prefer, took donations. I did this as it got me an extra 30 minute break and a free cup of tea and biscuits. Quid pro quo and all that.
Been skiing/snowboarding?
Now you’re being daft.
Gone camping?
I could write an entire blog post on this subject. Let it suffice to say that camping is shit. I like comfy hotel rooms, clean bed linen, mini bars and room service. Plus I’ve yet to hear about someone having their face eaten off by a bear in any major hotel chain.
Gone to a festival?
Yes, several times. I used to like live music events in my youth. Now I’m happy to stay in the comfort of my home and watch them on TV. If I find myself nostalgic for the festival ambience I can piss on my own shoes, take a shit in the corner of the room and dine on pot noodles for 48 hours.
Driven a stick shift?
Do you mean a vehicle with a manual gearbox? No, again I do not drive.
Ridden in a police car?
Yes. Both as a passenger and as a suspect. Oh the heady days of my youth.
Driven a boat?
One of the best holidays I ever had was in 1990, when myself and three friends rented a boat and travelled the Norfolk Broads. Steering the boat was quite enjoyable and we only crashed into the Reedham Car Ferry once. Hitting my head on the low beam as I entered the “conning tower” was such fun. Oh how we laughed and continued to drink.
Eaten Escargot?
Yes. Last time was a few years ago at the Coq d’Argent restaurant at Poultry, London. No real difference between snails and regular shellfish really. The flavour really comes from the sauce that they’ve been cooked in. I got given a bunch of fancy tools to hold the shell and dig out the edible part. I coped well and didn’t disgrace myself.
Been on a cruise?
No. I have nothing against them, apart from the virus outbreaks, the fires and the capsizing. But have you seen the people that go on them? Awful.
Been on TV?
Yes. When I was a civil servant I was active in the trade union. During a strike, I featured in video footage that was used in a news bulletin. I also provided a soundbite about pay increases for a radio journalist.
Been in a paper/book/magazine?
I was mentioned again for similar reasons in a trade union magazine once.
Eaten Sushi?
Yes, frequently. It’s not unusual to quote Tom Jones.
Seen a UFO?
I’ve seen things that I cannot identify before (mainly due to alcohol) but upon mature reflection do not think that they were of extraterrestrial origin.
Been Bungie Jumping?
No. I see no need to detach my retinas and damage my spine at the hands of an Australian called Hunter or Ethan (It’s always Aussies that run these things in my experience).
Rescued an animal?
I put a spider outside this very morning.
Met someone rather famous?
This is another subject that could be its own blog post. Furthermore, I have a lot to say about the old adage of “never meet your heroes”. But not here. To summarise, I stood next to Ed Lauter at Embankment Tube Station. I literally bumped into Timothy West in The Strand. And as a member of the British Film Institute, I’ve met the following people after Q&A events that they’ve held. Ray Harryhausen, Rick Baker, Peter Jackson, Michael Winner and Nick Park among others.
