Reinstalling a Game to Recapture the Past
Think of a game that you’ve played in the past that impressed you greatly and left a marked impression upon you. A game which you feel is a real genre milestone or is at the very least, a personal favourite out of all the games that you’ve played in your lifetime. A game that has a special space in your heart. Of which you have many fond memories that are as clear to you now as when you first played it. A game in which you invested a significant amount of time, potentially at the expense of other hobbies and pastimes. Time you gave freely because you were so enamoured by what you were experiencing. In the context of this blog post, I shall be referring to The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim for the PC. However, that is simply a point of reference for the benefit of my writing. Hopefully, the points that I make will be just as relevant and applicable for any other title you may have in mind.
I started playing Skyrim about 18 months after its original release. I bought the Legendary Edition which included all the DLC. This delay meant that I also benefited from a wealth of online guides and wikis, ensuring that I had a smooth and problem free gaming experience. I had played other RPGs prior to Skyrim but it became immediately apparent to me that this game was unique. It offered an enigmatic and expansive open world to explore, filled with a multitude of quests and interesting characters. Every story, no matter how simple, always seemed to have the scope to become something much bigger and it often did. The NPCs were charismatic and compelling. I still remember when I first encountered M'aiq the Liar in a remote mountain region. I was so surprised to find him there and was immediately drawn into the quirky dialogue options.
Such things and much more contributed to Skyrim’s spell. Like encountering the Dark Brotherhood, your first battle with a dragon and exploring the streets and alleyways of Whiterun. Then there were the NPCs following their daily routine. They would haggle with you and remember your custom. Then as night fell, they will shut their shops and return to their homes. The wildlife would then come out. The herbivores would graze and the predators would hunt them. Enemies lurked in the shadows if you went exploring. If you remain in the safety of a tavern, minstrels sang and strangers told tall tales. All of which made you feel that the world was alive. It was immersive and enthralling. And then you were hit by the technical mastery of it all. And when I realised that Christopher Plummer and Max Von Sydow were providing voices for two of the main characters, I realised that video games were just as significant as film.
I spent over 300 hours playing Skyrim. When I finally finished I had played through pretty much all the story content available in the game and the only material left were procedurally generated quests. Like many others before me, I extended the lifespan of the game by adding multiple mods and playing through fan generated material. It was wild and exciting to be able to customise an RPG in such a fashion. To be able to make tangible changes that would improve your gaming experience, such as redesigning the UI, or to just have fun adding a top hat to a mud crab. Yet despite all this potential, I eventually moved on to another game. For gamers the grass is always greener elsewhere and there’s always something new just around the corner. Skyrim became a revered memory in my personal gaming history. A genre classic whose virtues and merits I’d happily extol.
The other day I was scrolling through the list of recommendations that YouTube in its infinite wisdom thinks are of interest to me. I saw an instructional video that showed you how to install what are considered to be the most essential mods for Skyrim. These included changes to lighting, textures, UI and such like. The thrust of the video was if you wish to return to Skyrim, just install the base game, add the mods in bulk and you will be able to play a contemporary iteration of the game, quickly and efficiently. To cut a long story short the video elicited a strong sense of nostalgia and I felt a tangible craving to be able to play Skyrim and recapture those feelings that I had previously experienced. It was like remembering a past lover and briefly tapping into the associated emotions. I actually went to bed that night musing on a video game and the way it had made me feel. I wondered whether it could do so again.
The reality of a new day brought fresh clarity to my thoughts and I was able to see beyond my own cravings for the past. I concluded that after downloading the base game of Skyrim and then adding the wealth of mods, I was going to log into the game on a high of nostalgia. But I surmised that shortly afterwards, I would find myself faced with familiar content and nothing more. The nostalgia would vanish because it is not solely tied to the game itself. It was born of a multitude of other factors that existed when I first played. The fact that I was relatively new to the RPG genre and hadn't played other Elder Scrolls games. Then there were more esoteric aspects to consider. Where I was in my life at the time. The time I had at my disposal. The fact that I still had a very naive relationship with games and projected much of myself upon them. Skyrim was and remains special but it was the experience of playing it in its totality that was unique and not just the game. Like a long, hot and eventful summer of my youth, it could not be recaptured.
And so I decided not to install the game and attempt to recapture my past. I had a feeling that to do so would be a fool’s errand. A lot of time and effort spent to arrive at a conclusion that was glaringly obvious already. I think this was indeed the right choice for me and I am content to leave things as they are. Skyrim will remain a fond memory. Unsullied, undiluted but a memory no less. Life is predicated upon change, which is why memories are so important. I console myself that I shouldn’t worry about not being able to re-experience the enjoyment I got from Skyrim, because there will be new experiences to come in the future. Other games that will feel equally as revolutionary and comparable milestones. The entire process is cyclical. Furthermore, I shall adopt the same policy with regard to The Witcher III: Wild Hunt and Red Dead Redemption 2. Let the past remain the past. Strive too hard for nostalgia and you risk breaking its illusion.
